(Ignore that load of bollocks for Mood, I wanted somethin to go with the title XD)

So, this is a rather...thoughtful entry. It may get a tad long, but stick with me and hopefully I'll be able to get a point across.

As any gamer knows, in a matter of hours Modern Warfare 2 hits the shelves, and gaming as we know it is changed forever...or somethin like that. I got my copy off Amazon and should be delivered tomorrow, hopefully.

So I was playing good ol CoD 4 for one last time, and in the middle of it, I suddenly was hit with a thought. I've been meaning to get this off my chest for some time I guess, but here it goes.

I often wonder, why is it that, as a furry, I find the "friends with benefits" concept acceptable, but in the real world I am the opposite? I know some of you may find this hard to believe, but I am actually a monogamist, as in I believe in that someone should only have one partner. The world of polygamy, it's enticing, and I indulge in it, but at the same time I have come to...despise it.

Congrats Universe, you win.

Now this only accents a problem that I deal with many a day. Many of my friends are in relationships with others, some cases I know both individuals, but in others I only know one, and sometimes, more often than I wish I will admit, I feel...this strange...envious desire...who's needs by far suppress almost all other thoughts. Part of it comes from my inability to actually have a stable relationship, but the other comes from seeing these wonderful people that I know in the arms of another.

Now how am I supposed to feel about that? Better yet, how do I act on it?

The "Hollywood" solution, as I have come to call it, is the most obvious answer. Work to undermine the relationship so that things turn in your favor.

Yes...I suppose that's the thing to do...

I've got it all figured out see. The relationships that I have come to harbor uneasy feelings toward, I shall plant seeds of doubt...and thus orchestrate the collapse of it...then I shall go to the affected individuals with the premise of "I'm there for you"...

And over time I'll take out the "for you" and I'll be just...there!

Now, I shall put this glorious plan into action!!!

WAIT!!

Don't write up your flames just yet. I haven't put this into action yet...because maybe that's...the wrong thing to do.

Maybe we should consider this. Maybe instead of punishing others because I can't get what I want, maybe I have a responsibility to be the bigger man...er bird...and move on.

What do you all think? I'm just spitballin, but I've been thinking this over, see...

Recently I came to the conclusion that I may never have an actual, meaningful, serious, romantic relationship. Maybe that's a little extreme there, so for the more moderate folks, I don't see myself ever getting mated (married).

I don't disagree with the concept of me having a mate in principle, I disagree inasmuch as I disagree that furries can exist as physical, biological, organisms, or that you can traverse through a Black Hole and emerge in a parallel Universe. It would be nice, it just isn't possible (at least, not yet).

The other half of this problem is that punishing others for my own shortcomings is a greedy, selfish, and immature move. It's the kind of logic that lead to the downfall of Hitler, or the Republican party's recent loss of credibility with the American people. It would feel very nice to make others pay for my faults, but doing so is an irrational and stupid move. The fault lies not in the stars, but in myself.

Yes, I'm certain I read something like that before.

Now I actually did something of this nature before. And now I'm thinking about how bad I felt, because I took something beautiful and fucked it up for my own ends...and I can't imagine how my friends must have felt, knowing that I was someone they couldn't count on...

And now this brief mediation has brought me around to thinking that undermining a relationship of a friend to satisfy my own insecurities, while expeditious, and certainly satisfying, might not be in a matter of speaking "The Moral High Ground."

I'm in the business of promoting the general welfare, and helping to make the world a better place, and with every degree I allow myself to move off that mark of perfection, well...things go south to say the least. The last thing I need to worry about is drama on the internets.

Now many of you are older than I am. And many of you are in relationships with another.

And I have been watching. And I will admit that sometimes I feel that I should be your significant other.

And I will also admit that sometimes, this is a source of tension, embarrassment, envy, and jealousy for me.

And y'know what? Life's like that sometimes.

I do not act on these impulses because as I said before, I'm in the business of making the world better.

And most important of all: God is watching.

God is always watching, and he helps those who help themselves.

This is why I strive to keep my house in order, because if I am to truly be one of the leaders and best, then compromising my values and undermining others simply isn't part of the equation.

I keep my house in order so that you can all believe in me.

I keep my house in order so that the Lord our God can look down and say "Now there is a faithful child of mine, and I will stand at his side."

So my advice? If you ever feel the way I feel, and your life seems to be spiraling out of your control, don't give up.

Get your house in order. Failure is not an option.

EDIT:
After a day of pondering the petty injustices of life, I can take relish in the knowledge that a glorious dawn awaits: MODERN WARFARE 2 HAS ARRIVED!

Helios